A Big Brother in Heaven

Dear Jack,

Your daddy and I have some very exciting news to share with you, although you probably know already.  You are going to be a big brother!

We are thrilled that God has answered our prayers and sent along another baby to fill our arms and our home.

As soon as we found out, a sort of peace came over me and I could see you beaming down from heaven with your big gummy smile and bright baby blue eyes.  I had known that you were happy in heaven.  This was the first time I could actually FEEL in my heart just how happy you are.  I imagine you telling all of your angel baby friends how proud you are to be a big brother.  Just knowing your daddy and me, I am sure you have all kinds of friends up there.

I know that you don't want us to be sad that you won't be here to welcome your baby brother or sister on their birthday.  I have to tell you that I do get sad though, Jack. I get sad that this baby will not get to know you and watch you as an example of how to walk, hug, swim or read.  I get sad that we could not put you in a shirt that says "I'm the BIG Brother" to announce our news to all of our friends and family.  I get sad thinking that you will never share a bunk bed with this little one or wait for the school bus together.   I get sad thinking about the trips we will take together as a family without you.

We will always miss you, Jackie boy.  No matter how much we love this baby (and it is going to be A LOT of love), we will never ever forget you.  We will never love you any less.  We will never stop wishing you were with us here and now.

Before I spiral into despair, I turn my thoughts upward.  I read a book (OK, I listened to part of it on Audible.com) called Heaven by Randy Alcorn and he found Scriptural evidence that souls in heaven DO know what is going on down here on Earth. (Revelation 6:9-10)  Knowing you are able to check in on us just sets my heart at ease.  I love that God doesn't make us guess about Heaven, it's out there for anyone to read about.  What a gift for anyone of us who feel like we've been left behind.

I know that you are overjoyed to be a big brother even if you won't be physically here with us.  You will always be a part of our family.  We will always have your smiling pictures up on the walls with the rest of the family.  Your siblings will know they have a big brother who lives in Heaven and is waiting to meet them some day.  How fun will that be?  I find myself looking forward to Heaven all the time now.

But I will stay right where God has me for now.  We are doing everything we can to get ourselves ready for your sibling: mentally, physically and spiritually.  We promise to teach your siblings about where you are and in whose arms - the arms of our Lord Jesus.  Your dad and I will raise your brothers and sisters to love God, family and their neighbors, with all their hearts.  Then some beautiful day, we will all be together again.  We will get to spend ETERNITY getting to know you and playing together.

Until then, baby boy, give my love to all of our friends and family up there and please thank Jesus for sending us another baby to love here on Earth.  Please ask God to help us to navigate this new joy in the midst of our continuing grief.  We are trying to make sense of everything we feel but it is complicated and so new to us.

I love you and miss you more thank you can ever know-

Mommy