For the Bible Tells Me So.

Jesus loves Jack,

This I know.

For the Bible

Tells me so.

Little ones to him belong.

They are weak and HE is strong!

Yes, Jesus loves Jack,

Yes, Jesus loves Jack.

Yes, Jesus loves Jack.

The Bible tells us so!

Jack was here on Earth for 4 months and 26 days.  I probably sang this song to him at least 5 times per day and sometimes it was many more.  I sang this song when he was fussy, sleepy, happy and even when he was laying still in the hospital on the verge of his Eternal Life.  I sang it joyfully and I sang it with tears in my eyes and a squeak of a voice.  We sang it all together at his funeral, when we tucked him in one last time.  As much as I tried to make "Take me out to the Ball Game" his lullaby, it would not take.  This was his lullaby.

People have asked me how I can possibly still believe in God (and His goodness), in light of the tragedy of Jack's death.  What kind of god would take a beautiful baby away from his loving parents?  What kind of a god would let something like this happen to "good people" like us? I have spent some time reflecting on that question lately.  And they way I see it, I have a decision to make each day when I wake up. 

God is either everything or He is nothing.

Now, if I decide that God is nothing, that He cannot exist if terrible things happen in our world, like the death of an innocent baby....then I am without hope.  That would mean that I am just wandering though a meaningless universe with no purpose, no future, no hope of ever seeing Jack again.  It would mean there is no greater plan for my life and these devastating events were total chaos.  It would mean that I am a victim.  And as a victim, I could sit and stew in the despair of it all.  It would mean I would have to depend on my own understanding to make sense of this all (scary). It would also mean that Jack's life, and even his death, was a complete waste.  These are all things I just could not bear.

So each day I chose to believe that God is EVERYTHING.  I believe he is Good all the time.  I believe He is faithful. I believe he loves me as a daughter.  I believe his Word, The Bible, is TRUTH.  I believe that He works ALL things for Good.  I believe He know the plans he has for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me.  I believe he is Sovereign and always in control.  I believe that because He is in control, I do not have to be.  Nor do I have to understand why things happen.  I can also believe that God was merciful in taking Jack out of the pain and suffering he had in this world.  I believe that good things will come from Jack's life and his death.  I believe people will come to know God and love Him because of Jack.  I believe Jack was here so that more of us can join him in Heaven.

And most importantly, I believe that because of God's great love for me, and because Jesus Christ died for my sins, I will hold Jack in my arms again one day in HEAVEN!  Jack is there even now in the arms of my Savior.  Jack is safe, happy and at peace.  He is loved with a perfect love.  And when I see him again, it will be for ETERNITY!  I cannot even wrap my head around how long that is...but I know it will be wonderful.

So, this is my foundation.  This is how I will walk though this life without Jack. 

Please do not mistake this for a lack of grief.  I can tell you that I am only now beginning to feel the numbness of shock melt away from my heart.  It has been almost a month since Jack went Home to be with Jesus.  And now my heart is beginning to break wide open.  Sometimes my heart aches so much I feel like I cannot breathe. The afternoons and evenings are more painful than the mornings...I do not know why.  And I will open myself up to this grieving process and feel the pain.  And in doing so, I will remember that God is everything.  Jack is well and I will hold him again one day in Heaven.