Learning to be Still in the Storm.

This morning Nemo, the blizzard, continues to rage outside our little cottage with howling winds, snow drifting up the window and no sign of letting up anytime soon.  For some reason I am filled with a sense of peace, contentment and gratitude.  I don't understand why.  I had a really difficult and deeply sad week with my grief.  I spent a lot of time crying and being washed over with wave after wave of tears.  Today though, my heart is full of praise during a very real storm.

I am thankful for our cozy Cape.  I usually think about how small it is and how much I would like a bigger home, one I could entertain friends and family with big dinners and parties.  I day dream about two stories, more than one bathroom, a kitchen island and more outlets.  I think about how amazing it will be to have a fenced in yard someday.  This morning I am glad our home is small enough to heat quickly and and stay warm as the wind chills drop below zero outside.  It is just the right size for Josh and me.  We only have one TV and one couch, which means we spend a whole lot of time together.  And in this season of our lives, that is probably important.  That we hunker down and cling to each other as we continue to weather the storm inside our hearts.

I am also thankful that God picked me to be Jack's mommy.  Yesterday all I could think of was what was taken from me.  What a victim I am to my circumstances.  The memories I won't be able to make with my son.  Today I am remembering the time I did have with our little man, how bright his smile was and that I was the one he was smiling at.

Lately, I have really been wrestling with what parts of our storm have been God's plan for our lives and what have been a result of the fallen world we all live in.  Did God plan for Jack to have such a traumatic last month of life in the hospital and to die from septic shock?  I don't think so.  God would not want to harm one of his precious little children.  But he is Sovereign and we know nothing happens without his knowledge...

Or did human error set off a terrible painful chain of events that God will use for his Glory and for good for us all?  Did God mercifully take Jack home to heaven before he could suffer anymore pain?  Absolutely.   These are the winds that have been blowing me back and forth and turning me around until I am convinced I cannot figure out the truth.  Where is God in this storm and where isn't he?

"Be Still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

I have been meditating on that verse a lot lately.  By "meditating" I do not mean lighting incense and sitting cross legged on the floor.  I don't think my legs would bend like that these days and incense nauseates me.  (Like my dear Grandmother, I am very sensitive to smells.)  I simply sit quietly and think about what that means.  I try to obey.  

Today, I am thankful that I can be sure of one thing: God is not asking me to figure everything (or anything) out. He is asking me to be still and know that He is God. 

"Be still."  I can do that.  

"Know that I am God."  OK. I do know that.  So, nothing about needing to understand why?  

Great!  It is very comforting to be reminded that the Creator of our entire Universe is running this show and I do not need to jump in and take over for Him.  God is truth.

Another verse that has really been popping up all over the place for me is Isaiah 55:8-9 :

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

    neither are your ways my ways,”

declares the Lord.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,

    so are my ways higher than your ways

    and my thoughts than your thoughts." 

This Scripture tells me that God's thoughts are not the same as mine.  Whew!  What a relief for all of us.  We would all be in trouble if God thought like me.  I am fearful and I have doubt.  I am constantly changing my mind about everything.  God is constant and his thoughts are much much higher than mine.  I can only see the 1/4 mile down the road during a blizzard and our Lord sees it all; today and all of our tomorrows.


I need to know that God sees my life, our whole world, differently than I do.  He sees His creation as a whole, perfect plan, all leading to His children spending eternity with Him.  He sees a much bigger picture than I do.  One that spans all of time.  

He also sees life on earth and death very differently than we do.  He sees death for His children as a necessary step to eternity in heaven.  It is not an end but a beginning for those who believe in Him and have trusted His son, Jesus, with their lives.  We weep and mourn the loss of our loved ones on this earth, because this is all we can see and know for sure.  We think of life in finite terms of 70, 80, 90 years.  But that is not how God sees His creation at all.  Our lives on earth will be a blip in the course of eternity.  God is thrilled to have Jack with him!  God also knows that he has more love and joy in store for us here on earth, before we are reunited with Jack in heaven one day. 

His Word tells me that God is not the author of confusion but of peace.  So I can know that the peace I feel today in my heart is from God.  That peace has been easier to find when I am letting God know how much I need Him and then opening up His Word, the Bible, and letting Him share these encouraging truths with me each morning. I feel loved, warm and peaceful, at least for today. 

I suppose it is like turning on the Weather Channel and trusting Jim Cantore to guide us though Nemo.  We know where to go and who to trust to bring us though sever weather.  The same way I know God is the expert on the storms of my heart and his word will carry me though.  He created my heart, so why look anywhere else to heal it.   The storm has not slowed down and I don't know when it will, but I can have peace in midst of it today.  What a blessing.  Thank you, Jesus.